I have an overwhelming sense of dread. My mind is convinced I am standing on the edge of a precipice, and life keeps giving me reasons why this is justified. I’ve told a select few people (and now the world, I guess) that I feel like I am on borrowed time and won’t be here in five years. I recently backed that down to two.
As I’ve said before, I am trying to keep myself from falling into a major depressive episode. This has resulted in me being in and out of hypomania trying to keep myself balanced. Hypomania with bipolar disorder causes a number of problems.
I’m finding it hard to sit down and write out how I feel. I’m finding it hard to keep my head high when dealing with judgment. I’m finding it hard to deal with hateful attitudes and rude commentary. I’m just finding it hard to deal with recent changing moods in bipolar disorder.