Mayday. Mayday. We’re going down. All of you know I have several mental illnesses including bipolar disorder. I also have several physical illnesses including an undiagnosed illness. As my list of troubles keeps growing, I’m exhausted, frustrated, angry, and fed up with all of it. My health and mental health are going south.
I said I was no longer going to censor myself, so buckle up and prepare yourself.
Health and mental health heading downhill
I have dealt with an undiagnosed illness for over three years. In that time, I have had trouble walking, became an ambulatory wheelchair user, always walk with a cane, and can generally only walk short distances. Sometimes I can walk further and sometimes I walk much less. It varies and it sucks.
On top of having trouble walking, I also have trouble thinking and concentrating. I get confused. I also have tremors and spasms at times and lots of weird sensations. Occasionally I have neuropathy-like pain. It’s loads of fun. Loads.
Multiple hospital stays and multiple procedures
In January I had a GI bleed that ended with the removal of three polyps. One was large and oozing blood. Thankfully, they were benign. During that same time, I had pancreatitis caused by gallstones. I spent time in two different hospitals in a single week.
I had a colonscopy one day and had a cholecystectomy the next. Let me say that again. I had polyps removed on a Monday and my gallbladder removed on a Tuesday. (It might have been Tuesday and Wednesday. Either way, you get the point.) I had a fun-filled time to start the new year off right.
Mo mental illness, mo problems
After all that fun, I hoped for a return to my normal sucky life. Just a return to my normal bullshit would be fine. As much as I hate it, I preferred to have just the one thing going on. And with that one thing I have spent plenty of time with doctors and having tests done. I’m over it and would rather not deal with doctors any more than I absolutely have to. Well, of course nothing can ever go my way, because Murphy’s Law.
I spent a couple of months tolerating some symptoms until I was fed up, gave in, and saw my doctor about it. I was tired of dealing with nausea and dizziness. Dizziness does not help with my mobility issues and I am beyond tired of being nauseated. Fed right TF up, to be honest. Of course, I should have expected things wouldn’t turn out as I hoped.
My health and mental health issues are killing me.
Maybe. I dunno. Could be. My doctor wanted to do blood work and an EKG to rule out a couple of different things. The nurse said the EKG was probably fine. I expected everything to be okay. Quite honestly, I have dealt with inconclusive tests long enough to believe tests just don’t find anything for me. I was wrong. Again. Because of course, something has to be wrong. FML.
I got a call from the doctor’s office a few days later telling me they had made me an appointment with a cardiologist. Ummm, why? The lady on the other end of the phone could tell I was confused and asked if anyone had talked to me about my EKG. She said it was abnormal and I have no idea exactly what was abnormal about it or what the problem might be. My appointment is this Friday and knowing my luck I’ll be subjected to more tests I don’t want.
Add more issues to health and mental health issues
Are we having fun yet? Pile on more bullshit to be sure. I asked about my blood work but the results weren’t back yet. It was likely because of the holiday weekend. No biggie. Surely since I already had one big surprise that requires action that would be the only issue, right? Of course not. I’ve been having double the fun this year. Everything comes in twos – good and bad, and I’m having more bad than good. My good two are the two new grandbabies being born this year. Koda bear has already arrived. Maggie will arrive in the fall.
Anyway, blood work showed my TSH levels were high meaning I have hypothyroidism because of course I do. I mean, IBS, my undiagnosed illness, and my mental illnesses weren’t enough lifelong illnesses to deal with and I needed more.
Read more below.
I am tired of it all. I’m fed up and I just don’t want to deal with any of this anymore. I’m over it. Sitting here and letting it all wreak havoc and rage out of control seems like it would take far less energy. I could just sit here and rot in peace. But no. Nobody is going to let that happen. I’ve got to go and deal with all this nonsense and I seriously don’t have the mental or physical energy to deal with it all. Seriously, and I cannot stress this enough, FML.