I know. Acting manic to avoid mania makes exactly zero sense, right? It makes no sense and makes perfect sense all at the same time.
Having an undiagnosed illness is frustrating. It weighs on your mental health. It means the future is uncertain. You have no idea if it will get worse.
I have been abused by multiple narcissists in the past and relived the resurrection of repressed memories many times. If you’ve ever been a victim of narcissistic abuse, you likely understand altered or repressed memories.