Suicidal ideation and being suicidal are considered the same thing by many. I don’t think they are. At least, for me it’s not the same. I am currently teetering on the edge of the fence and trying to stay safe and sane and project an image of stability.
The funny thing about repressed memories is you have no control over when they decide to reveal themselves. The simplest thing can cause them to flood back and overwhelm you with emotion.
Having an undiagnosed illness is frustrating. It weighs on your mental health. It means the future is uncertain. You have no idea if it will get worse.
Let’s talk about thoughts on mortality and suicidal ideation. As I look back at some of my posts, I realize that I have been censoring myself in ways I promised I wouldn’t do. I didn’t do this before, and I never intended to do it now. It’s going to stop.
I have an overwhelming sense of dread. My mind is convinced I am standing on the edge of a precipice, and life keeps giving me reasons why this is justified. I’ve told a select few people (and now the world, I guess) that I feel like I am on borrowed time and won’t be here in five years. I recently backed that down to two.
I see it often. Perhaps it’s that I have experienced the symptoms of bipolar disorder so many times over the years that it sticks out to me. Regardless of why I recognize it, I am noticing undiagnosed bipolar disorder in others and watching several people currently in manic episodes headed straight to disaster.
I’m Amy. I’m also atorturedsoul from All About Bipolar. I have bipolar disorder and I talk about symptoms nobody talks about. Do you have symptoms that you think aren’t normal?