I know. Acting manic to avoid mania makes exactly zero sense, right? It makes no sense and makes perfect sense all at the same time.
Having an undiagnosed illness is frustrating. It weighs on your mental health. It means the future is uncertain. You have no idea if it will get worse.
I know the darkest depths of depression. I’ve been to hell and back several times when in the throes of depression. I’ll fight with all my might to avoid the darkness at the bottom of depression. That has led to some unhealthy but necessary coping mechanisms.
I tend to use music to get through depression. A lot of those days are sad days, so I tend to listen to a lot of sad songs. I also listen to songs filled with anger. Here’s a playlist of some of my faves.