I know. Acting manic to avoid mania makes exactly zero sense, right? It makes no sense and makes perfect sense all at the same time.
Converting sadness to anger
One of my worst habits is converting sadness to anger. I have told people many times over the years that anger is easier to experience than sadness. The reason why is that you do not have to fully experience anger in the way that you must feel sadness. You can project it, but sadness has to be processed.
Sometimes the sadness is scary, and I fear falling into a deeper depression. I fear the return of psychosis. There is too much to fear. I do not want to fall into the depression that feels impossible to claw my way out of.
Avoiding severe depression
As a result, I tend to begin converting sadness into anger when depression starts to appear. In a desperate attempt to avoid severe depression, I become angry and get thrown into mania.
There are several problems with mania. One. Mania means making bad decisions or pissing off the people around me. Two. Mania is a high, and what goes up must come down. The higher you fly, the harder you smack the ground when you inevitably fall back to depression.
Avoid mania and hypomania
So, trying to avoid hypomania, mania, and depression means skipping converting sadness into anger. I’ve been working on kicking this bad habit for years and now I am trying a new approach.
Instead of becoming angry, I am going to stay busy. I don’t mean regular busy. I mean the type of busy that happens during mania. My reasoning is that I can keep from focusing on the depression for too long, but I can allow myself short periods of time to try and process sadness and rid myself of it piece by piece.
Bipolar disorder and depression
I know it sounds a bit out there, but I’ve tried many other things over the years. Avoiding mania is preferable, but I need the benefits of being manic to keep me from the deepest, darkest depression.
If you have bipolar disorder, you understand how easy it can be to be creative during mild depression. And you also understand how hard it can be just to drag yourself out of bed in the morning once the depression deepens.
Trying to stay active while depressed
I feel like I am mentally zapping my brain with a cattle prod all day to try and force myself to stay busy like I would if I were manic. This hasn’t been an easy thing to do, but so far I have been able to keep forcing myself to tackle something or other every time I have too much time to think.
I feel like the trick will be finding the right amount of time to try and sort out emotions I am trying to avoid. Spending too much time will defeat the purpose and spending too little time will do the same.
Finding balance between mania and depression
So far, I feel like I have had a decent balance. I haven’t gone too far in either direction. Mania hasn’t appeared and I have been able to keep the depression in check.
Now I know from the outside looking in that I do indeed appear to be manic. I am not. In fact, I am spending a great deal of energy every day to stay as busy as I would when manic to reap the benefits of mania without the pitfalls of it. This seriously takes a lot of energy during a depressive episode, but it will be worth it if it works.
My new serial and podcast
As part of my pseudo-manic performance, one of the projects I have tackled to keep myself busy is writing a new serial. Be sure to check it out.
Also, if you haven’t listened to my podcast, be sure to check it out as well. I will be adding a new episode in the new future.
Speak On It | Podcast on Spotify
Oh, and my own brand
See? Told you I was busy. Oh, and if that weren’t enough, I am still writing articles, running a coupon and code group, moderating several sites and groups, and blogging. I also built a new website, started a new brand, and work in graphic design.
Oh, yes. I have a clothing brand now – Row 98 Apparel. This is something that I haven’t announced publicly which means that the only people who know right now are the people who read my blog. 😉
Avoid mania but act manic: Will it work?
And now I must return to my regularly scheduled manic act already in progress. Be sure to check out some of my new ventures. Those climbing numbers of views and sales motivate me to keep acting manic. And thanks to all who have been keeping those numbers climbing.